We have seen races and events cancelled and postponed as the world grapples with the ongoing effects of this pandemic. Now there is some light at the end of the tunnel, with some ‘Covid-secure’ races and events billed. I have been reflecting on what this means for me.
I was an active club runner, run leader, and I attended many events across multiple disciplines, from park run, to Cross-Country, trail races, Marathon, Ultramarathon. My running wardrobe bears witness, with enough race t-shirts to last an eternity! My medal-hanger creaks under the weight of medals, some which I hold dear, and others which I just got and don’t cherish with the same importance.
My last race was a local cross-country fixture (the North-Eastern Harrier League at Lambton Castle) on 14th March 2020. It was not a good day. I remember having a high temperature and feeling out of sorts. These days, it would call for a precautionary Covid test. I just couldn’t run smoothly to a decent pace. At the time, I felt I had let my team down, let myself down. Being asked if anyone had finished behind me dented my usual steely resolve. It played on my mind for weeks. I needed to give myself a shake.
Due to the advent of lockdown, I decided to do the Home Run (seemingly endless lockdown laps of our garden to reach 5k) and a 26 Bridge challenge – 26 bridges in under a half marathon distance, to highlight awareness for Domestic Abuse. This seemed to help me feel that I could achieve something again. Importantly, it helped me consider the most precious aspects of running. For the record, these are the freedom to enjoy the trails, the physical and mental wellbeing benefits (including the endorphins and runner’s high), the personal challenge.
The last point is particularly pertinent. It was once said that there is always someone who can outrun you, whether faster or further. Yet, it’s perfectly normal to toe the line at a race. That’s the natural competitive element for some and for others the enjoyment of participating in an event. I’ve been the guy glued to Strava, trying to battle others, and now, I’m happier battling with myself.
I watched people on social media lament the cancellation of events, the gushing expressions of sadness, and yet I only felt sad about one event, the Causeway Coast Ultramarathon.
You see, I don’t run this event to try to secure a podium finish (truthfully, it is well out of my grasp!). I attend it for two reasons. The first is the enjoyment of returning home and re-treading the familiar ground of the Causeway Coast, where I grew up. The second is the personal challenge of a 64km endurance event over tough terrain. It isn’t about competing with anyone else but me, and this battle is with my own mind, body, and then my time from the previous year, in that order.
What then of the weekly (or often twice-weekly) runs I led for my club? I’ve thought about those too. Over the pandemic, I’ve run mostly on my own and occasionally with one other person. When I run solo, I am free to declutter from the day, free for my own thoughts, free to indulge in my own mindfulness. When I run with one other person, I enjoy a quality of discussion and company. This then feels for now like the way ahead for me. Perhaps it is a reflection on my ‘wiring’. You see, as a boy and throughout my life, I was a canoeist, kayaker, sculler, loner perhaps. Sure, I rowed in crew boats, but I was often happiest on my own. It used to trouble me, and I worried that I was different, that I had a lack of popularity and friends. I have a different grasp now, and I am happy again on my own and happy to have to share time with a small number of close friends. This may sound selfish, but I don’t see me leading runs for larger groups in the short term.
What about the return of races and mass events? I’ve made my decision, that I will carefully choose the events I enter in future. I will run for myself.
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